What Friends
Need to Know...
A cancer diagnosis can be overwhelming, but as friends we need to remember that our friend's life isn't just about cancer. Life is certainly different after a cancer diagnosis, and the effects of the disease and its treatment may present unique challenges. Much time will be spent with doctor appointments and treatments, but your friend will want daily life to remain as normal as possible.
Try to suggest activities that are within your friend's abilities: a movie, going for a walk, lunch or dinner at a favorite restaurant. If your friend chooses to talk about the cancer, be a good listener. And if your friend prefers not to discuss the cancer, respect those wishes. Cancer patients often go through depression, anxiety and sadness, so maintaining your friendship will be the most important support you can give to your friend. Remember that the friendship may often feel one-sided. A nice gift for your friend is a journal and pen so your friend can externalize their experience, treatments and feelings through writing.
If your friend is part of a religious organization, you could offer to take your friend to worship or other activities. Remember that your friend's primary caregiver needs nurturing, too! It is important for the primary caregiver to have time not only for necessary things like grocery shopping, haircuts and personal appointments, but also for leisure. Join forces with other friends to take turns staying with the cancer patient (if necessary) and getting the caregiver out for a little R&R. If your friend does not yet have a WhatFriendsDo.com team page, consider getting it started now! It is simple to do and will make an incredible difference during the course of your friend's illness.
A child who has cancer must deal with many physical and emotional issues. And children who learn about someone else with cancer or another serious illness will also have emotional issues to deal with. Children depend on their family to help them manage the stress. How much and what kind of information a child needs about the situation depends on his or her age. Always check with the child's parents to find out what their wishes are regarding information and conversations with their child about the situation.
Children need information. Yet, too much can be overwhelming. Take the lead from your child. Answer his questions honestly in language he can understand. Listen and be honest. If someone else's child is asking you questions, speak immediately with that child's parents; they may not wish to divulge as much information as you may think appropriate. Whether or not you agree with the parents, respect their wishes.
Children may not be able to put their feelings into words, and they may express feelings such as fear, anxiety or stress in different ways. They may show physical signs such as stomachaches, headaches or trouble sleeping. On the other hand, they may exhibit anxiety and excessive behavior such as non-stop talking. They may show behavioral signs such as being cranky or not wanting to do the things they normally like. Hand puppets can be a wonderful way for children to express their feelings and emotions. Painting is also a fun way for children to express themselves.
While you are helping provide support to a friend in need, keep in mind that your children need to maintain structure and routine as much as possible.
Your children are more resilient that you might expect. If it is appropriate, your child will feel much more reassured by being able to visit your friend who is sick.
Also see "Friends dealing with a medical crisis or event ... "
" Troubles come to pass; they don't come to stay."
